![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ktulaReach Out and Touch Faith is a canonverse pre-TFA kylux fic cowritten with forautumn , and currently being posted on ao3!
Chapter five just went up, and below the cut, there's a spoiler-riffic interview with me about it! So, please--read the chapter prior to expanding the below interview!
And, in true avocado kylux fashion, there's the pit.
1. As heartwrenching as the ending is, I don't wanna ignore their super cute date to wallow in the angst, so my first question is this: what was Kylo's favourite thing about their date?
I’m so glad that you asked this because I actually really wanted to talk about the sweet things that happened in this chapter before everything went all to hell.
I think Kylo’s favourite thing about the date is Hux’s actual physical presence. He doesn’t talk about his feelings a lot, but we know from his POV chapters that he feels loneliness and isolation very acutely, and their encounter on Jakku was the antithesis of that--and then they were immediately separated again, and had to go back to holocalls. Obviously, the holocalls are higher quality now than they were, and Kylo actually participates in them--but he misses Hux physically very intensely.
Kylo is completely fascinated by Hux’s physical appearance--and always has been. Plus, with the casual clothes, there’s so much more of Hux visible, and that’s a major focal point for Kylo throughout the date. He hasn’t really seen Hux being fully relaxed before--and it’s a wondrous thing.
So throughout the date, Kylo is functioning through this sense of--awe, almost. Awe that he’s physically close to Hux, that he’s allowed (via negotiation with his own understanding of where and when and why chastity is required) to actually touch Hux, that they’re going to /consummate/ this relationship, and just this sense of wonder that this thing he’s wanted for so long is /actually happening/.
I mean, now that I’ve elaborated on that, I've made myself sad.
2. Can you elaborate on Kylo's past experiences travelling?
So we know that Han and Leia were both busy with their respective careers, but we also know that Han spent a lot of time as the stay-at-home parent, especially when Kylo was younger. What Kylo’s referring to here is some of the trips he remembers taking with his father where he was older--where they would have stayed in hotels, and stayed in casinos, and bunked down in the ship, and stayed at trading posts, and all those sorts of things, and never at any point would Kylo have remembered arriving at a hotel too early to check in--but, then, Han wouldn’t have tried to get a hotel room during daylight hours anyways, because there were still way too many good hours in the day left to conclude your business early.
Any travelling that Kylo had done with Leia would have been similar--they would have stayed in hotels, but Leia would have been a political VIP for all of those trips, and, again, the minutiae of travel and checking into hotels and the practicalities of how those things work wouldn’t have been obvious to Kylo--and I doubt he would have cared, either.
Of course, this entire thing would have been a lot easier had Kylo and Hux been open about who they are--but since neither of them are supposed to be here, “we’re with the First Order” isn’t an option for an opening line here, and they can’t get any favours from it.
3. Kylo wanted this date to be perfect -- can you talk about the planning process?
This date is a massive turning point in Kylo’s life, and as we chatted about in the chapter three interview, Kylo is also really searching for loopholes in order to justify no longer being chaste. So basically the rationale that he arrives at is--okay, we’re going to do this, but this is going to be Significant, and because it’s going to be Significant, it’s also going to be Perfect, and that way, choosing a non-chaste life path makes sense for me, because this is still Pure, because I’m going to treat it like it’s Pure and Special, and that justifies me engaging in carnal activities with Hux.
So Kylo is coming into this date with the intention of absolutely spoiling Hux rotten. I think that Hux would accept whatever in terms of this--that Hux just wants Kylo, and it could be in the back room of a sketchy tavern, and it could be crammed into a bunk on a ship, and it could be pressed up against a wall, and it would be perfect because it’s Kylo, because it cements the bond between the two of them, because it’s the next step in Hux’s master plan--but even from the beginning, Kylo is the one who has an image of a big bed, and soft sheets, and fancy food, and sheer /luxury/. So I think Kylo takes the reins on doing the planning, and I think Kylo is just as intense about this as he is about everything else.
I feel like Kylo spent a lot of time narrowing down which hotel was going to have everything they needed. Which hotel had food that Hux was going to enjoy? Which hotel had a hot tub in the suite, which hotel would let Kylo specify the colour of the flower petals scattered over the bed? Kylo doesn’t have time for any of this--he’s supposed to be training, he’s supposed to be finding Poe Dameron, he’s supposed to be searching out clues to Skywalker--but he wants to do this Right, and damn it, he’s going to make sure that Hux is treated exactly as he should be treated.
4. What was your inspiration for the scenery?
So my initial inspiration for this was those vintage science fiction cities of the future, where the colours are really bright, and everything is all curved globes and curlicues, where the sky is a different colour and so is the water and the grass. And then from there, I wanted to go one further, and expand the scenario into something that Kylo would be a little uneasy with--so it’s a tourist location, and it’s an architecture style that Kylo would find unnecessarily elaborate (thank you, Delilah), and something that would make him uneasy rather than making him comfortable. (I would suspect that if you scratched at the surface on that one, this planet probably reminds Kylo of his childhood, and I don’t think he wants those reminders now or ever).
And then you were the one that really brought it home, because I was just like “uh, there’s a bridge. Because there’s a river? That runs, uh, through the city?” and you were like “ah, yes, space!Venice” and I was like “SPACE VENICE!” so it’s space Venice in my heart.
5. Finally, the awful part: how do you think events would have been altered if Kylo discovered Hux's injuries earlier, or later?
Everything would have been drastically different if Kylo had discovered Hux’s injuries earlier or later, but he didn’t. He discovered them at the exact worst time.
Hux was toying with the idea of outright discussing what was happening as early as chapter one:
“Myself as well. I always find those meetings so—well, they are what they are,” Hux says. “And to top it off, I met with my father today too, about the stormtrooper program.” He flicks at the button, undoes it completely—and then brings his other hand up, buttons it back up. “I have a...well.” He clears his throat. “Has your furniture come in yet?”
But the thing is--Hux never explicitly discusses what’s so bad about the meetings with Snoke. And Kylo doesn’t explicitly discuss it either.
He’s back in his quarters, dressed down to sweatpants and a tank top, but he looks thoroughly uncomfortable. He’s sitting on the ground, for one thing, back against his bed, which would be much more comfortable to mope on. There’s a gaping wound on the back of his hand that he’s busy stitching.
Because the thing is--you don’t typically get gaping wounds on the back of your hand from punching a wall. But Kylo evades the truth here (I don’t doubt that he punched a wall--but I highly doubt that the wall was the source of the injury on his hand), and they don’t talk about it any further.
And if Kylo had found out about it earlier, found out that he wasn’t alone in the treatment he was receiving from Snoke, that he wasn’t as isolated as he thought--well, he and Hux could have bonded over it, and Hux could have drawn Kylo into his long-term plan, and things would have been drastically different. Kylo would have been in a place where he could have listened, in those earlier chapters, because there wasn’t so much self-imposed pressure on the actual meeting itself.
But, then…
“Wanna fuck you like this,” Kylo murmurs. “I have to.”
...if Kylo had found out later, if they’d both gotten off and then sleepily removed Hux’s shirt in the afterglow--they could have talked about it then, too. And there would have been time and space for them to have discussed it, and they could have talked about how Hux has normalized Snoke’s abuse as the price that he pays in order to have the position that he has, and he could have talked about his long-term plan to have Snoke dealt with, just the same as Hux had Brendol dealt with. And Kylo could have talked about how he’s internalized it and feels like he deserves it--but that it’s different with Hux, because Hux didn’t deserve it, couldn’t deserve it--and Hux could have tuned him in on that, too, because Kylo didn’t deserve it, because nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
But the thing is--you and I have planned out the arc of the story. We have a specific aesthetic that we’re working towards, specific images we have in mind, a specific dynamic that we need them to get to. And in order for them to get there, in order for the story we’re telling to actually happen, Kylo needed to find out at the absolute worst time.
So when I started on this chapter--I knew this is the outcome that we needed, and although we’ve been foreshadowing it all along, this entire chapter is the literary equivalent of using a magnifying glass on an ant, and boxing Kylo into a corner so that he feels like there’s only one way out of the situation that he’s in.
The only way out is through--and Kylo is going through now.
forautumn , and currently being posted on ao3!Chapter five just went up, and below the cut, there's a spoiler-riffic interview with me about it! So, please--read the chapter prior to expanding the below interview!
And, in true avocado kylux fashion, there's the pit.
1. As heartwrenching as the ending is, I don't wanna ignore their super cute date to wallow in the angst, so my first question is this: what was Kylo's favourite thing about their date?
I’m so glad that you asked this because I actually really wanted to talk about the sweet things that happened in this chapter before everything went all to hell.
I think Kylo’s favourite thing about the date is Hux’s actual physical presence. He doesn’t talk about his feelings a lot, but we know from his POV chapters that he feels loneliness and isolation very acutely, and their encounter on Jakku was the antithesis of that--and then they were immediately separated again, and had to go back to holocalls. Obviously, the holocalls are higher quality now than they were, and Kylo actually participates in them--but he misses Hux physically very intensely.
Kylo is completely fascinated by Hux’s physical appearance--and always has been. Plus, with the casual clothes, there’s so much more of Hux visible, and that’s a major focal point for Kylo throughout the date. He hasn’t really seen Hux being fully relaxed before--and it’s a wondrous thing.
So throughout the date, Kylo is functioning through this sense of--awe, almost. Awe that he’s physically close to Hux, that he’s allowed (via negotiation with his own understanding of where and when and why chastity is required) to actually touch Hux, that they’re going to /consummate/ this relationship, and just this sense of wonder that this thing he’s wanted for so long is /actually happening/.
I mean, now that I’ve elaborated on that, I've made myself sad.
2. Can you elaborate on Kylo's past experiences travelling?
So we know that Han and Leia were both busy with their respective careers, but we also know that Han spent a lot of time as the stay-at-home parent, especially when Kylo was younger. What Kylo’s referring to here is some of the trips he remembers taking with his father where he was older--where they would have stayed in hotels, and stayed in casinos, and bunked down in the ship, and stayed at trading posts, and all those sorts of things, and never at any point would Kylo have remembered arriving at a hotel too early to check in--but, then, Han wouldn’t have tried to get a hotel room during daylight hours anyways, because there were still way too many good hours in the day left to conclude your business early.
Any travelling that Kylo had done with Leia would have been similar--they would have stayed in hotels, but Leia would have been a political VIP for all of those trips, and, again, the minutiae of travel and checking into hotels and the practicalities of how those things work wouldn’t have been obvious to Kylo--and I doubt he would have cared, either.
Of course, this entire thing would have been a lot easier had Kylo and Hux been open about who they are--but since neither of them are supposed to be here, “we’re with the First Order” isn’t an option for an opening line here, and they can’t get any favours from it.
3. Kylo wanted this date to be perfect -- can you talk about the planning process?
This date is a massive turning point in Kylo’s life, and as we chatted about in the chapter three interview, Kylo is also really searching for loopholes in order to justify no longer being chaste. So basically the rationale that he arrives at is--okay, we’re going to do this, but this is going to be Significant, and because it’s going to be Significant, it’s also going to be Perfect, and that way, choosing a non-chaste life path makes sense for me, because this is still Pure, because I’m going to treat it like it’s Pure and Special, and that justifies me engaging in carnal activities with Hux.
So Kylo is coming into this date with the intention of absolutely spoiling Hux rotten. I think that Hux would accept whatever in terms of this--that Hux just wants Kylo, and it could be in the back room of a sketchy tavern, and it could be crammed into a bunk on a ship, and it could be pressed up against a wall, and it would be perfect because it’s Kylo, because it cements the bond between the two of them, because it’s the next step in Hux’s master plan--but even from the beginning, Kylo is the one who has an image of a big bed, and soft sheets, and fancy food, and sheer /luxury/. So I think Kylo takes the reins on doing the planning, and I think Kylo is just as intense about this as he is about everything else.
I feel like Kylo spent a lot of time narrowing down which hotel was going to have everything they needed. Which hotel had food that Hux was going to enjoy? Which hotel had a hot tub in the suite, which hotel would let Kylo specify the colour of the flower petals scattered over the bed? Kylo doesn’t have time for any of this--he’s supposed to be training, he’s supposed to be finding Poe Dameron, he’s supposed to be searching out clues to Skywalker--but he wants to do this Right, and damn it, he’s going to make sure that Hux is treated exactly as he should be treated.
4. What was your inspiration for the scenery?
So my initial inspiration for this was those vintage science fiction cities of the future, where the colours are really bright, and everything is all curved globes and curlicues, where the sky is a different colour and so is the water and the grass. And then from there, I wanted to go one further, and expand the scenario into something that Kylo would be a little uneasy with--so it’s a tourist location, and it’s an architecture style that Kylo would find unnecessarily elaborate (thank you, Delilah), and something that would make him uneasy rather than making him comfortable. (I would suspect that if you scratched at the surface on that one, this planet probably reminds Kylo of his childhood, and I don’t think he wants those reminders now or ever).
And then you were the one that really brought it home, because I was just like “uh, there’s a bridge. Because there’s a river? That runs, uh, through the city?” and you were like “ah, yes, space!Venice” and I was like “SPACE VENICE!” so it’s space Venice in my heart.
5. Finally, the awful part: how do you think events would have been altered if Kylo discovered Hux's injuries earlier, or later?
Everything would have been drastically different if Kylo had discovered Hux’s injuries earlier or later, but he didn’t. He discovered them at the exact worst time.
Hux was toying with the idea of outright discussing what was happening as early as chapter one:
“Myself as well. I always find those meetings so—well, they are what they are,” Hux says. “And to top it off, I met with my father today too, about the stormtrooper program.” He flicks at the button, undoes it completely—and then brings his other hand up, buttons it back up. “I have a...well.” He clears his throat. “Has your furniture come in yet?”
But the thing is--Hux never explicitly discusses what’s so bad about the meetings with Snoke. And Kylo doesn’t explicitly discuss it either.
He’s back in his quarters, dressed down to sweatpants and a tank top, but he looks thoroughly uncomfortable. He’s sitting on the ground, for one thing, back against his bed, which would be much more comfortable to mope on. There’s a gaping wound on the back of his hand that he’s busy stitching.
Because the thing is--you don’t typically get gaping wounds on the back of your hand from punching a wall. But Kylo evades the truth here (I don’t doubt that he punched a wall--but I highly doubt that the wall was the source of the injury on his hand), and they don’t talk about it any further.
And if Kylo had found out about it earlier, found out that he wasn’t alone in the treatment he was receiving from Snoke, that he wasn’t as isolated as he thought--well, he and Hux could have bonded over it, and Hux could have drawn Kylo into his long-term plan, and things would have been drastically different. Kylo would have been in a place where he could have listened, in those earlier chapters, because there wasn’t so much self-imposed pressure on the actual meeting itself.
But, then…
“Wanna fuck you like this,” Kylo murmurs. “I have to.”
...if Kylo had found out later, if they’d both gotten off and then sleepily removed Hux’s shirt in the afterglow--they could have talked about it then, too. And there would have been time and space for them to have discussed it, and they could have talked about how Hux has normalized Snoke’s abuse as the price that he pays in order to have the position that he has, and he could have talked about his long-term plan to have Snoke dealt with, just the same as Hux had Brendol dealt with. And Kylo could have talked about how he’s internalized it and feels like he deserves it--but that it’s different with Hux, because Hux didn’t deserve it, couldn’t deserve it--and Hux could have tuned him in on that, too, because Kylo didn’t deserve it, because nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
But the thing is--you and I have planned out the arc of the story. We have a specific aesthetic that we’re working towards, specific images we have in mind, a specific dynamic that we need them to get to. And in order for them to get there, in order for the story we’re telling to actually happen, Kylo needed to find out at the absolute worst time.
So when I started on this chapter--I knew this is the outcome that we needed, and although we’ve been foreshadowing it all along, this entire chapter is the literary equivalent of using a magnifying glass on an ant, and boxing Kylo into a corner so that he feels like there’s only one way out of the situation that he’s in.
The only way out is through--and Kylo is going through now.
